Second hand lives

K says "X" is admirable,worthy to be looked up to.Not to cast any aspersions on her ability to choose role models but It makes me think about how we consistently compare ourselves to others.Everyone around us propagates this comparison-our parents compare us to our siblings,our cousins,other children,Our school  is full of teachers who compare us to each other-in fact thats what our whole education system is-a giant grading system..It seems to exist to just compare and grade and sort of codify for each one of us as to what we can become,what,we should become.

Then we grow up .but the comparison continues.we compare to see who has the better spouse/gf/bf.We may not say it out loud but we do. We compare our jobs,our cars,just about everything. Its as if we will be able to enjoy what we have only if it is better than what others have.Our liking is contextual.Our dislike also ofcourse is then contextual. When what we have compares less favorably with what others around us, we feel inadequate.Our liking  for what we have lessens.We make ourselves miserable over it and/or we then run around like mad hares caught in a washing machine   trying to "fix" our life and acquire what others covet.We dont really know if we actually want the thing or need the thing but "the thing" sure sounds important to have.Maybe if we stop and consider for a moment about our actions we may,just may, lead ourselves to a different outcome.Do i really need a new car?Do my kids really need/want/desire that toy/activity?  Am i just doing it because everyone else is doing it?

I think questioning oneself is critical.We seem to know ourselves less and less as we grow up. As we are kids we have some clue of likes and dislikes.A child left to itself will figure out what it likes. Its thought process tends to be simple and transcational -just about the question in hand right now. the child is not caught up in the past or too worried about the future. But then the world around us takes over as we grow up..It tell us what to like,what to pursue. The set positions which define what one should go after in life.even those who rebel to this view and decide what the world is saying is good is  actually bad are only reacting to those set positions.We can only be happy or sad based on what makes others around us happy or sad .That kills individuality.It takes away the use of the one thing which we have over other animals-the ability to use our mind and brain to enjoy the present moment and plan for the future and reminisce about the past.To know that life more than just a mere game of survival.If all we want to do is compare and conform then what is the use of that ability to think.

Krihsnaji talks about the second handness of our lives.He is talking here in the context of being free-complete freedom-physical, intellectual.

"A follower then, is a second-hand human being; and most people are completely second-hand. They may think they have some original ideas with regard to painting, writing and so on, but essentially, because they are conditioned to follow, to imitate, to conform, they have become second-hand, absurd human beings. That is one aspect of the destructive nature of authority.

As a human being, do you follow somebody psychologically? We are not talking of outward obedience, the following of the law - but inwardly, psychologically, do you follow? If you do, then you are essentially second-hand; you may do good works, you may lead a very good life, but it all has very little meaning."