"I am not the one experiencing the anxiety". I said that to myself while i was just doing some random thinking about business and the future. I startled myself with that quiet sentence said by the inner me.I stopped and took stock of what those words means. I felt there is this body lying down which is going through the rigmarole of a thought process and analyzing and debating things and letting the mind foster anxiety But i am observing him. I can visualise or i did visualise without trying to ,this body-Raghu lying in bed and thinking about things and this other me or this other being which i could not give a shape or form to apart from that it was in darkness and it was observing this body.
The immediate consequence was that the level of anxiety went down as i told myself this real me is not facing any of this nor is it affected by it.This momentary detachment which appeared physical also led to the mental detachment from the body-raghu and his shenanigans. i told myself i need not be affected by it as what is the real me is not facing this situation.Well maybe not even the realisation of it being the real me. Just the realisation that there is something there which is apart from the body and seemed untouched with whatever was happening with the body.
Did it lead to any major upheaval to my life? Has it bought about any radical change in my being? Not that i can tell as of yet. its the same me going through the rigors of my daily routine. But i will try to think of this other me when i am getting really anxious,to see if it calms me down. Hell,even if its just a structure of my mental process ,a way, a mechanism to deal with worry,it isnt half bad. Ofcourse if it is something real that i stumbled upon i suspect i wont be able to touch it just by thinking about it.We shall see
it could just be that. A way to stop worrying about things. Something my mind came up with.But i was surprised at how alert i was and how clear the thing appeared to be-the separation, the jumble of name skin clothes that was lying and something which was observing that jumble,and it was not a 3rd force. it was me,or a part of me.
what was unique about that day? well i had worked a lot in my terrace garden and was felling awfully tired So physically i had lot of aches and pains.rest of it was regular i guess.But i remember the alertness and the absolute quietness that i felt.
